Analyzing the various authors’ White identity development in class helped to clarify the different stages in Helm’s model. Kindred and I looked at the White Man Dancing: A Story of Personal Transformation article by Gary Howard, and were surprised how closely his development matched the model. Howard grew up in an exclusively White community, and never encountered a person of a different race until eighteen years of age. His lack of contact with people of color allowed him to remain in the oblivious contact stage until a double date with an interracial couple introduced to him to a young African American woman. This experience along with his entrance to “the Hill” neighborhood outside Yale prompted Howard to move into the disintegration stage; he broke through the racial isolation of his childhood and recognized the cycle of racism that enabled his prior ignorance. Unlike the Helm’s model for development in which reintegration follows disintegration, Howard did not write about a return to anger and blame toward the oppressed group. Instead he directly entered the pseudo-independence stage, evidenced in his moving out to live in the Hill and working as the only White staff member in summer camps and leadership seminars. By surrounding himself completely with Black and Latino communities, leaders and culture, Howard began to understand how racism functions in society and to acquire a positive sense of self. In the subsequent stage of his development, Howard decides to bring his knowledge and experience back into the White community. Immersed completely in White culture once again, Howard struggles to communicate to those living in the racial seclusion he experience growing up. Eventually through exploring his identity as a White American and his culture as a British descendent, he gained a confident, informed and constructive identity and thus entered the immersion/emersion and autonomy stages of Helm’s model.

After analyzing the racial identity development of Gary Howard in class and characters in the Brothers and Sisters novel, I began to wonder where I belong in the model. Although it took Kindred and me ten minutes to consider and come to conclusions about the growth of Howard, I found it significantly more difficult to describe myself beyond the preliminary phases. Attending predominantly White elementary and middle schools, much of my childhood and youth occurred in the contact stage. Close friendships in high school with people of different races exposed me to some of the privileges I received as a White individual, illustrating my experience in the disintegration stage. Subsequent to these first two stages, however, I find it difficult to pinpoint which stages characterize my identity development because it seems as if different pieces of life belong in the various stages. This whole thought exercise in trying to identify where I belong in Helm’s model really illustrates the complexity and difficulty of racial identity development; for even though the models help to outline the general process of growth, defining a positive sense of self never occurs as cleanly and concisely as the models.